Life's been a lil bit too good recently ...and i purposely avoided any reflections as for the reasons to why it was so kind to me offlate ...:D
I've been pretty much of a loner throughout ,with hardly any real friends to boast of from school days ...i tried to chng things when in college...but then i was a lil too weird i suppose to be too acceptable for every1 ...but then i did gain a few true friends ...whom i would like to cherish a lifelong friendship ...:):) ...But somehow 2 sems earlier i desperately wanted to change this state of affairs ...it was a conscious decision that howsoever few i'll have either have veryyy good friends or none of them at all ..(that jus suited the kind of persona i m ..) ...counting 500 acquaintences as FRIENDS was something i' ll never get comfortable with ...
So,i kinda started closing down on my circle ....what i was trying to do was(of corse selfish ? :D ) not to choose/earn friends ,but building a lifelong support system for myself .People whom i would love to stand by even when they dont need me ...people who would get me up and running in my blue days .Its a known fact that i am very open with my close friends ....there's hardly anything "private" in my life(I may be very reserved and reclusive socially but i am a blabber-bug with my real friend circle ;D ) .But then its not necessary that "they " may also share a similar notion of friendship with ya ! ...For some ..friendship is something very informal ,while others may regard it as a bit too private an affair .In nycase ,the point here is ,in this whole process i have gained (a few) and lost (many !!) friends [[I feel ,i may be being a lil unfair when i categorically classify my social circle ,but then thats how most of the things in our life are...a lil unfair ;) ]]
Been jus wondering ...Its funny how friendships don’t die; they jus sort of fade away...and that’s hard – if it’s a relationship, closure comes with a break-up; what is the equivalent act when it comes to friends?
U have initial meetings...when u discover....like each other’s company and have fun. U have those long interesting conversations where u talk non stop for hours and can talk for more hours....U start missing his/her company when he/she is not around u....There are times when u can’t afford not to talk even for a single day...Things are easy going, & u r totally tension free (that u feel in a relationship)... Now u start assuming that it’s so much easier to keep a frndship going on..
Then suddenly for some reason or wateva ...you start to get the feeling that things r not the same anymore... The conversation seems forced, even untrue to an extent....Things are not as much fun as they used to be. You feel like you’re just another face in the crowd to that person..... u bump in sometimes, exchange a few words. ....Earlier, those meetings/talks meant something...Now, they are just failing attempts to keep the illusion of meaning going..... Priorities change, people do too.... And suddenly, u are no longer preferred company and priority.
As for me ...I just hate this formality which creeps in....It jus pisses me beyond anything when one of u tries to pretend that things are the same !! as ever ....while u both know they r not ....
There are many ways to kill a friendship – betrayal, mistrust, distance, differences, misunderstanding, and dishonesty. But strangely, it’s when they die on their own that it’s the most painful…
5 Comments:
Firstly, nice pic to the left ;)
And happy to know that life’s being kind to you ;)
You know harshi, the first time I came here to read the post…I was reticent and left without commenting. But I had to come back!
A beautiful post… another masterpiece from you.
Gone through some mixed reactions while reading your post… from guilt to anger.
People change and so do their priorities. It hurts but all we can do is to cope with it.
I so agree with the conversations seeming to be forced. The best thing you can do then is to simply back off until the other person realizes and confronts on his own. One-sided relationships are always a failure, without feelings being reciprocated a relationship is bound to end in the long run. After all there’s no point in forcing someone to workout the relationship. Oner should have the similar feelings to mend frienships :)
Distance again is another pitfall. I wonder if the quote ‘distance makes heart grow fonder’ makes any sense. Sometimes it does but most of the times I’ve seen relationships getting blemished only because of distance.
Like they say, if you love someone let them free…if they comes back they are yours, if they don’t…they were never yours. Doesn’t it hold true for friendships as well? ;)
Congratulations, this is the longest comment I ever posted on any blog :P lucky guy :P
Can I add more to make it longer? :P
*Friendships don’t die; they jus sort of fade away..* I love this line :D
Good one...
there is one thing i sware by and that is "Things dont change, we change." I have had serious relationship issues as well as with friends too...
both cannot be measured on the same scale. But the universal fact is the circumstances at times are more powerful than the relatioonship you are into {friendships included}.
The sooner you learn that indeed there are a few things your friends may bot share with you when they have special some one in their lives, the easier it will be for you to let yourself not be hurt.
I agree with pinksocks here. Things don't change, people do. So there is no option but to accept the fact that some person you are so compatible with might seem to seem distant for no apparent logical reason. Sometimes you yourself have changed, and you don't even know about it. :) It happens to everyone re.. and when it happens to me I try to quit thinking about it too much.
Putting friendship or relationship in backoff as lukkydivz said can be a possible end to a relationship too...i agree that two ppl should have equal feelings for each other in a relationship, but at the same time we shouldn't forget that until we know the reason why the other person is not able to keep in touch or is able to be the same old person, we shouldn't try to cut off the conversation or stop trying to revive the relationship or friendship...whether its friendship or relationship, its always worth to give in something from our side, rather than expecting from the other side... :)
My first time on here. Someone sent me a link to this post for reading. I enjoyed reading this one. Thanks.
I think we just drift apart in a friendship, leaving it open ended... unless of course there’s a mutual closure from both sides. Some times the hurt just stays with us and at other times we become indifferent towards these friends.
I agree with the above two comments about people change. I still wonder about it quite a lot. It takes me back to that dialog from The World is not Enough, he says "why didn't you come back to me? I could have given you the world" she replies "the world is not enough". Point is, what we seek from our friends changes too and so when we don't get that we stop sharing from our side. It is when that sharing stops, things have started going downwards. Worst is to not know what it was that caused the downfall of a friendship.
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